Stephen Colbert Really Wants An Emmy...

"Academy, what game are you playing with these nominations? Every year you give my Emmy to a different beloved entertainment legend with an enlarged prostate... I believe that's what Emmy's holding up!"

And after realizing that his competition is Don Rickles, since he has lost in the past to legends Barry Manilow and Tony Bennett, he shows a few clips from his HBO special for which he is nominated, and he shows the clips in which he makes fun of some of the audience members. So, Stephen Colbert thinks that if making fun of people will get him an emmy, why not trashtalk the Emmy president, John Shaffner, and see if he will FINALLY win that way...

The best joke ever: "Speaking of which, Shaffner, when you have sex, I hear your wife start playing the wrap-it-up music after 30 seconds... Hadcjah..."